Hi Dad,
Hope you're feeling happy and pain free right now. I miss you. A ton.
Yesterday marked 3 months that I've had to live without you, something I never thought would be possible. I kind of avoided thinking about it yesterday because the thought of it makes me want to crawl into a ball in my bed and never come out. Anniversaries of any sort immediately take me back to the moments I realized what was happening, and the most agonizing unbearable 2 and a half hour drive we had to take up to the house to learn what we already knew in our hearts was true. The agony I felt as a passenger in our car, and my uncontrollable scream-like sobbing, was like an out of body experience... something straight out of a movie. It's a feeling I'll never ever shake from my mind, and the stinging lump will never leave my throat.
Maggie, our assistant at school, told me yesterday that I need to be mindful of anniversaries and birthdays and any special day, that I should give myself some space and take the day off of work and away from people. She reminded me that it will get better but it'll never go away, and that she still deals with it 16 and 20-something years after her Dad and Mom passed away. I know she's right. Unfortunately I can somehow turn any day into some sort of anniversary if I think about it long enough, so I try not to think about it for very long. Some day I'll get a little better at it but I won't ever be better.
You are one of kind, Dad. You've left a permanent tug on my heart that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I still just can't believe you're gone. I love you so much, and I am so happy to know you are pain free now. Missing you always.
Love,
Ashley
...arm in arm with you, what a wonderful place to be. ❤️
