I'm sitting here across the room from Nick, both working late at night, and thinking about you watching over us. It's one of those nights we'd both be individually texting you without even realizing it. I loved when that would happen - we both would need a slight distraction from the monotony of our work and would say hello to you because you're just one of those people that everyone loves to talk to. You were always up at all random hours of the night, so even with the one-hour time difference I knew I always had a good chance of catching you awake in the middle of the night. I miss that. A lot.
It's so funny - writing to you inevitably makes me cry, but its a feel good cry. It wakes me up and makes me remember that I will never forget you, never forget this aching feeling I have, and that you really are always with me, just as everyone keeps telling me.
Nick and I went up north this weekend. It was very sad for me, understandably, because you're not there. Everything is set up as if you are there but you're just not. I always felt that you could walk in the door at any moment with a fresh gallon of milk ready to make us pancakes. Mom had Nick go through some of your extra tools to make a set for himself. Wow, he was SO excited! I think he spent a good 3 hours looking through an unbelievable number of gadgets and gizmos, most of which I'm pretty sure he has no idea what to do with. But they were yours and he feels really special that its something he gets to keep and use and think of you every time he looks at any one of the ridiculous number of tools. He even mentioned that he will give them to our kids someday and say "these were Grandpa's" - and we know that they will immediately cherish them just as we do.
We took Audrey, Riley, Kasey and Charlie out into the field to run. You would have absolutely loved watching them, especially Audie. She was such a good girl! She came back every time we called her, even when Uncle Charlie tried to lure her off track. I kept thinking about how excited you would have been, and the adorable voice you would have used to say, "Come see your Grandpa!" just like you did with Riley. I have to hold those memories really tight and never let go because they're the closest thing I will ever have to thinking of you with my babies. But that's for me to dream about and when I finally have human children, I will tell them all about you and how much you adore them. Because I know you will, and they're going to adore you, too.
I love you, Dad. Missing you always.
Love,
Ashley
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| Enjoying the paths you cut for us in the big field! <3 |
