Day 74

Hey Dad,

Missing you. Tonight is my first night alone since you've been gone. Isn't it amazing that Nick has been home with me all of those 74 days? I know you're not surprised. I bet you're thinking something like, "Well, that's just the kind of guy he is, and that's why I love him so much." And you're right, and you were always right about him. He is simply perfect. I am so lucky we crossed paths, and then crossed paths again. Now I simply can't imagine life without him. I know he is big reason why you felt like you could leave me, because you know what good care he would take of me. And so I am very thankful for him, and thankful that he gave you the freedom to get away from your pain.

It's still hurting, Dad. I want to call you so badly. I had a rough week this week. I had a lot of breakdowns. I was talking to one of my teachers, Dr. Baker, in clinic and literally in mid sentence started crying without warning because you popped into my head, and all I could say was "I'm sorry I'm having a moment" and I walked away. He completely understood though, and there were no questions at all. Everyone seems to understand how hard this has been on me, and everyone has been so supportive. But I really am doing OK. Most of the time I am saying very happy things about you - sometimes I still talk about you as though you're alive like, "My dad likeS that" instead of "My dad likeD that." I hope that never changes.

One thing I am struggling with is that I feel like you were the one person I could tell pretty much anything to or ask anything of and not feel weird or bad about it. You were always interested (or at least acted interested) in every thing that I said. And if I had a question about anything, I never felt like I was putting you out or annoying you. I knew you wanted to help me with the answer and wanted to hear the details of my story. I never felt like it was bragging if I told you something went well, or that it was complaining if it was something that went not so well. I don't feel like I have that anymore, and its really really hard. You were my person, Dad...

Love always & forever,
your baby girl

Riley is working extra hard keeping me company tonight. <3