Day 231

Happy First Father's Day in Heaven, Dad.

I've been thinking about today for a few weeks now, dreading it's arrival. Just as expected, it's here and I have a mix of emotions. It's really difficult to see everyone celebrating their dads and think about the fact that I'll never get another Father's Day celebrating you in person. I always felt so sad for you to lose your parents in your twenties, and never thought I would be feeling sad for me losing one of mine so young, too. I get jealous of older people who still have their dads and they're in their 50s and 60s. That would have been 30+ YEARS of enjoying your presence and having my favorite person in my life. That's more years than I have lived, and it's just not fair. The other day Michael posted that he had to bury his son and his dad, and I know he's feeling jipped, too.

Now that I've gotten a few of the bad emotions out, I'll move onto the good ones.

Even though I can't tell you in person anymore, there is so much to celebrate with having you as my Dad. I think you knew exactly what you meant me, so I find comfort knowing that there isn't much I feel I didn't get to tell you before you left us. But I would have kept telling you how important you are to me until the day we were forever separated.

Thank you, Dad - for teaching me how to love and be loved. Thank you for telling me how much you loved me every chance you had. Your passion and love for life and for people is something I hope I have inherited. Thank you for teaching me to take life seriously, but not too seriously, and that its' important to remember the BIG picture. Because whatever small problem or stress I am having in the moment, doesn't really matter, as long as I have family to love and care for and maybe a good couch to sleep on and a nice ratty old t-shirt to wear. Thank you for showing me the unconditional love you have for your siblings and your friends. That you should drop everything when someone asks you for a favor, because the joy you have out of helping someone you care about is far more rewarding than anything else you can spend your time on. Thank you for loving Nick and never letting me forget it, because although it took me some time to figure it out, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. (You knew that from the beginning.) Thank you for suffering with pain for so long to be here for me, through 23 years of school and until you could give me away on my wedding day. Thank you, Dad, for having such a huge presence in my life - because although losing you has been the most painful experience I will likely ever have to go through, I only have the pain I do because of the extraordinary impact you had on my life and the enormous void you left when you died, and I wouldn't trade the relationship you built with me for anything in the world.

I picked out a present for you - only this time I didn't have to buy it! :) We liked this t-shirt (and you like t shirts, so its always a safe buy!) - Its a mix between fishing and science - your world and mine. :P



I love you, Dad. <3 Ashley