Nick and I are watching a documentary series about Bobby Kennedy and tonight was the episode where he got shot. Needless to say - anything with death reminds me of you and automatically gives me a stabbing feeling in the heart. I feel like I now always have an exaggerated response to death because all the sadness comes rushing back. I guess I’m thankful because I know for sure I’ll never forget how it felt the moment I knew you were gone.
I am always wondering what you thought of different situations. During the documentary I have been thinking... Were you a fan of Bobby’s? You were only a teenager when it happened, but do you remember the day and what you were doing when you heard he died? Do you remember feeling sad?
... on a side note: For dinner we had steaks and I always think of you and how you loved grilling steaks (especially for me!) And I wondered - Would Dad have thought this was well grilled?... Nah if you had cooked it you probably would have said, “Ah shit, over-cooked!” My point is you’re in my thoughts with almost everything I do, and I just don’t want you to think I’m forgetting you...
Back to the Kennedy thing: In the same episode of this documentary Bobby recited a poem from his favorite poet during his speech about MLK Jr’s assassination. We had to rewind it to make sure we heard it exactly right...
“In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God." - Aeschylus
I’m not sure its just in our sleep, though. As much as I don’t like to admit it, I am coping, and I’m getting stronger day by day. I miss you so much, it still hurts so often, but you are always always in my heart. I love you, Dad.
❤️ Ashley Rose
PS. Although I’m still a crier especially when it comes to thinking about you, I don’t get away with it for too long because the dogs literally attack my face licking up my tears...
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| Taken just after sobfest tonight because Bobby died. |
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