Three years ago today I woke up one person, and went to bed as someone else. Three years ago today I woke up excited about being a newlywed, looking for our first house and feeling like I had everything I could ever want, and a few hours later I learned that you had taken your life and my whole world crashed around me.
When I got the call that we didn't know where you were, I was hopeful that there was an explanation - you decided to go hunting, you went to visit a brother without telling us, or even that you got into a car accident and simply were in the hospital. After many phone calls to family, police departments, and hospitals, things quickly got very scary. We made the decision to drive up north to your house, and as I came up the stairs to leave, I collapsed and sobbed because something deep inside me told me you were already gone. I remember saying, "I can feel it, I know he's not here anymore."
That's how connected we were. I don't know what I believe in anymore - spirits, faith, etc, but there was always a connection between us that I can't explain. Without you, a huge piece of me is gone.
This year I was able to fill in a little bit of that missing piece with my Landry. She has been the biggest blessing for me. Although she will be forever deprived of the relationship with her grandpa that I had always imagined for my child, and even though scientifically it doesn't make sense, I do love to think she was "hand-picked by her grandpa in heaven". I love to think that you protected her during her early arrival, gave her strength during the scary moments, and continue to be her angel as she grows.
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| Love will last forever. |
I will be telling her all about you today, and we are going to come up with some traditions to honor your memory on this day (and every day). She will always know how much you love her even though you never got to meet her, and the irreplaceable place you have in my heart. Thank you, Daddy, for being the perfect father, and for continuing to channel your love to me in some inexplicable way.
Happy 3rd year in your painless place. <3
Love,
Ashley & Landry
xoxo
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| Your baby girls. <3 |
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